Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
