Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
