The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can you bring me the toilet please
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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