Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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