Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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