There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
