My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
