tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
