Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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