Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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