I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
