We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
