i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
