oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Michael Bay diarrhea
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
