I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
