her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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