He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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