Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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