he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
