I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
