i was born a porn star she said
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
