I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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