Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
