Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
