we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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