Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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