Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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