I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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