girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
