ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
