All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I want to fling myself into the sun
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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