and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize