I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
