You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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