Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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