So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Couch. On fire.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
