and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
