If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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