Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
