P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
