Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
