Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
3 2 1 whiskey
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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