I hate all girls vehemently.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
