I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
