those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
