I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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