Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
