that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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