sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
