One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
