I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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