i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
