Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
