Sry I called you an 8
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
