I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Randomize
