Im at strip club and am horny
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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