Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
