Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We need to get me chipped asap
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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