good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
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If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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