Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
