i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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