dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
