he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
