Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
