you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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