Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
