You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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