I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
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did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
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Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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