Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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